What does it mean to be independent?
A few months back I wrote that men’s roles are changing in unexpected ways. One example I gave are men going their own way (MGTOW).
MGTOW are against marriage, and many eschew relationships with women altogether. They claim society is gynocentric:
- men being expected to accommodate feminism while also fulfilling the traditional male role,
- the welfare state being primarily a forced transfer of resources from working men to women via taxation,
- women’s marital obligations ending at divorce (which mostly women initiate) while men’s obligations continue as alimony,
- family court’s discrimination against men, who typically are not given equal child custody and can be forced to pay child support even when a DNA test shows no biological relationship,
- and the specter of false rape allegations.
Mgtow.com says they’re all about individual sovereignty—“the manifestation of one word: ‘No.’”
Avoiding marriage and fatherhood are legitimate choices. But there are three disagreements I have with MGTOW:
First, women seem to be one of the primary discussion topics. Imagine a man who quit drinking but continuously talks about alcohol. He’d seem like a dry drunk rather than someone who truly left alcohol behind. Or imagine a man who rarely mentions football and seems bored when others bring it up. He’d seem like a man who is truly not a sports person.
Why, then, do so many men who say they’ve gone their own way—that is, away from women—when they spend so much time talking about women? A man whose life does not revolve around women, it seems to me, would instead talk about his hobbies and interests. MGTOW who rarely talk about women and instead talk mostly about how to unplug for society, live off the grid, etc. seem like they’ve truly gone their own way.
Second, MGTOW beliefs about women’s “true nature” are mostly a collection of crude stereotypes: women don’t think logically, they’re narcissistic, they’re manipulative, and the female brain is inferior — that’s why women can’t take responsibility for anything.
However, MGTOW are outraged over feminists’ pejorative claims about masculinity being about domination, misogyny, and homophobia. The irony, apparently, is lost on them.
This enmity, however, not only comes at the expense of our shared humanity—a person can’t be happy so long as he’s focused on blaming someone else.
Finally, MGTOW seem too focused on the blame game. Life is unfair, but do MGTOW really think they have it worse than other people? If MGTOW don’t believe society will change then why even bother collecting grievances?
A man can choose to focus on what is under his control—his deliberate actions and choices. And he can focus on his goals—what he wants to do now that romantic relationships are no longer an issue for him. But focusing on women and societal wrongs will only hold him back.